This book, if discussed with your spouse, will renew marriages at any developmental stage. The trick is to know all five love languages—words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch—but master the one that your spouse speaks.
Not the language that you know best or that one that speaks primarily to you, but the one that speaks to her. And if you don’t know what that is, ask her or delve into this book and take the self-assessment questions. Once you know what that is—my wife’s primary love language is “quality time” and mine is “words of affirmation”—then get fluent. Practice the many dialects of that one primary love language and speak it every week, heck, every day, to your spouse.
The 5 Love Languages is easy for guys to catch onto, even those of us who are relationally challenged. Chapman gives detailed examples of other couples he has helped, plus so many practical suggestions in this special men’s edition, that you guys can readily see yourself and act accordingly with insight and integrity. When you do, you will be scoring points big-time. Soon love will reciprocate and multiply when your significant other sees how you are making the effort to speak her language addressing her felt need.
For example, I had no particular interest in attending a recent social worker’s seminar in Milwaukee that Sue had signed up for, and the old me would have said no when asked to go along. But because I had read this book, I knew Sue just wanted me along for the quality time to and from Milwaukee, including dinner after. So I said yes. I continue to say yes to the mundane (joint shopping trips), as well as big trips, where “time with” is key.
Likewise, Sue has learned my love language, so she regularly affirms me with words, puts that stuff in writing or says encouraging words in front of others—in which case, I’ll follow her anywhere. The opposite is also true, for lack of such words, I tend to withdraw and go elsewhere for what I need.
So how about you.... What's your primary love language? And do you know your spouse's?